Homeschooling Is Hard

Homeschooling is hard.

Homeschooling a teenager is hard.

Homeschooling an autistic teenager is real hard.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I can do hard things. I know that to be true because I have done soooooo many hard things in my fifty years of life so far.

When my son and I are in the middle of a lesson and I can sense his growing frustration (actually I don’t have to have super spidey senses, he is gripping that pencil for dear life and writing with such force that the tip keeps breaking), I tend to get frustrated as well. I’m rarely frustrated because he is struggling, I am usually frustrated because 9 times out of 10, prior to this meltdown, he has complained about doing the work, wondered why he has to learn “this”, and been overall pissy because I am making him do schoolwork in the summer. Today in fact, I was reminded that the only reason we were behind in grade level work, is because I, the mom, was too busy to teach him in a timely fashion.

I will admit, today I reminded him that I can go sign him up for “regular” school tomorrow. Clearly, I was at my wits end. In that moment I forgot that I can in fact do hard things. And as any well composed homeschooling mom would do, I got up and went outside for some Vitamin D and to let my thoughts move through me. And if I am being honest, he is totally right! We are behind because I don’t have it in me to work with him on the really difficult days. Not because I am not physically able, but because I know it would damage our relationship because when anyone comes at me, I can put them in their place real fast. Except he isn’t just “anyone”, he is first my son, and second, he has Level 2 Autism, so pushing him during a meltdown doesn’t make him stronger, it actually makes things harder, sometimes for days at a time.

Pushing him when he is having a meltdown may result in a slammed door, just like his 3 neurotypical older siblings would have done at his age, but unlike them, he isn’t having an attitude and purposefully pushing boundaries, he is actually not in control of his actions in that moment. That is a huge difference!

My job as his mom is to be his safest space. Yes, I do push him out of his comfort zone multiple times a week, to help him grow and conquer certain irrational fears. But there are times that I can’t control the environment, and he can’t control his reactions, and I have to be able to protect him and move him to a place of comfort until he can regain his composure. I don’t feel like I could do a good job of protecting him, if I have spent too much time pushing him away.

Some days are super hard. Some days are full of beautiful surprises. That is the beauty of being home with my son all of the time, I get enough of the great to carry me through the hard.

If you are homeschooling your child(ren), you will have hard days. Anyone who tells you that you are taking the easy way out when you pull your child from traditional school has clearly never homeschooled a child. I have 4 kids (26, 21, 17, and 12). One went to an expensive and wonderful private school, two have gone to public school and achieved great things, and this youngest boy? He attended 2 private schools and 2 fabulous public schools before we made the decision to homeschool him.

The truth is, I would never just “send him back to school” unless I truly felt like it was a place that would support him, guide him, acknowledge his strengths and provide extra love around his weaknesses. Unfortunately, I don’t know that any school is capable of doing that, not because there aren’t remarkably qualified teachers, but because the student:teacher ration makes it very difficult.

So, for now, I will continue to remember that I can do hard things, and I truly hope that you know you can do hard things as well. I hope that you will love well, and lead with patience. And most importantly, be your child’s greatest protector and cheerleader. The world is full of harsh judgements, and everyone seems to think you need to hear their opinion, but the truth is, no one knows your child and your family situation better than you do. Whatever the reason is that you chose to begin homeschooling, it that reason still exists, or if a new one has arisen, remember that often.

I make it a point to have a WHY that is bigger than any judgement or excuse, in everything that I do. If you don’t have a WHY that will make you cry for homeschooling, I recommend you work on that immediately. If you don’t have one, you’ll find a million reasons to doubt your choice, and even more people to back up your decision to go back to traditional school. Only you can decide what is best, but even the strongest of us have hard days, and in those times, having a strong WHY written down somewhere will be enough to help you keep going tomorrow!

Helpful Homeschool resources:

The umbrella academy I use https://homelifeacademy.com/

The place I buy textbooks https://www.christianbooks.com/

#autism #homeschool #teenagers #dothethings #youcandohardthings